We are all familiar with the stories about how unlucky 13 is considered to be. Not so much for us here in our home though. We have always considered 13 to be lucky for us.
When we were house hunting and despite the numerous houses we looked at and put offers on we eventually got a house #13 on our street. While our house has needed some love and care it is still the house we brought our 3 children home to and will probably be our home until such time as we don’t need to live here anymore.
Our 13th anniversary came after a double hip replacement and two years of Kevin handling everything and I suffering with pain and developing a dependency on pain killers. The hip replacements were needed after almost a decade after an arthritis diagnosis, dealing with medications and the ups and downs of learning to live with a chronic illness. Shortly after celebrating #13 we found out that our 3rd child would be due just before we celebrated #14.
So coming off of 2012, a year where we’ve had financial hardship, emotional hardship, medical tests and worrying about results, periods of marital stress and where it feels like I’ve lost more than I’ve won I was pretty happy to wave goodbye with my middle finger held high two days ago.
Goodbye 2012! Farewell! You won’t be missed! The Mayans might have been wrong about the end of the world but my world was rocked with trial after trial. Rising above again and again.
Frankly that routine gets old and I’m not sure about anyone else but I tire of having to rise up all the time. Some days it would be wonderful to wake up singing like an old Hollywood movie.
So here’s 2013 and shortly after midnight I mentioned to Kevin that 13 has always been lucky when it seemed like things were just not going our way. When we needed something big, something life changing, something life affirming 13 is part of the chain of events that push us forward.
Not one to sit and wait my first challenge of 2013 starts almost immediately. Saturday I am going to be sitting down and taking the series of test one takes to become a 911 Call Operator. I am thinking positive, I’m determined to pass the challenges and I am thrilled at the prospect of such a big change in my career path. My last few attempts at a career shift haven’t gone the way I hoped they would so I feel empowered to be moving forward and trying yet again to shape my life in a way where I help others. I find I like the idea of being the calm presence when folks are in need, it makes me feel like I would find my purpose.
So come on Lucky ’13! Time for the come back.
About the end of July I find myself reflecting on the state of my marriage. It’s about now I start to give thought to dinner plans, gifts and other little things to celebrate our anniversary which is August 31st.
15 years together is a huge milestone and I want to do it right. We’ve been married for 8 of those years and we’ve gone through amazing times together and rough times together. It’s been a roller coaster but I also feel like when we come back to the station where we began it’s a victory to know that while life changes and things move as they should at the end of the day the person that I love and respect most still feels that way about me too.
A movie titled The Story of Us came out a few years ago and yet I still that it’s one of the most honest movies I have ever seen about the life of a marriage. How two people come together and eventually become an us and that becoming an us also is what can kill some marriages. Evolution is never an easy process in life. Going from child to adult includes those awkward teenaged years of acne, voice changes, body changes, body hair etc etc. Going from two people to an us often involves loosing that sense of self you had and in many cases folks feel like the loss of themselves is to hard to take. However if you get past the parts you think you are loosing you can revel in the things you are gaining.
If you haven’t seen it I recommend you make the time. Michelle Pfeiffer’s character has an amazing dialogue at the end of the movie that just makes you stop and think. There is also an amazing montage of video set to Classical Gas that I think can be seen in most marriages.
So this morning as I was dealing with the chaos that is making breakfast and trying to get the older two kids ready for Tae Kwon Do camp I found myself reflecting on that montage and instead of Rob Reiner’s vision I saw my own. Even if I was feeling frazzled, rushed and like I was chasing my tail and snapping to try and get everyone on the same page. I wanted to remind myself that this is the good stuff…even if it seems like the bad stuf.
Damn if I didn’t start to hum a little Classical Gas.
Kevin’s birthday is today. He doesn’t think it’s a special day but I know it is. May 23rd marks the day that the love of my life, father of my children, supporter of my dreams, rock that keeps me steady, accepter of my flaws, man who makes me crazy somedays and frustrated others was born. He completes me and without him there would be no me as I am now, no Nathaniel, no Ashleigh, and no Nicholas. No home we are slowly building together, no laughs shared as we end our day in each others arms, and no way I would have lived until I got surgery (Yes, I was that on edge I actually Goggled how much Percoet to overdose more than once).
He completes me and without him being born I’d spend my life incomplete.
He doesn’t see himself as special and it’s heartbraking to me. He doesn’t think he’s worth a day of celebration for the fact that he was born. I curse everyone that made him think that way about himself.
Happy Birthday Sweetie. My love, my partner, my best friend, my supporter, my rock. I am looking forward to spending the day celebrating you and I know the kids are too.
Running your wife a hot bubble bath, bringing her a cup of tea to enjoy while she is in the bath, and watching Big Trouble in Little China when it is likely the one John Carpenter movie you can’t stand.
It is also coated in forgiveness when she looses her temper and snaps at everyone all day because she’s at her wits end in dealing with her hard headed kids…who are just like her. It is also not judging her too harshly when she yells a lot.
Love is the way my husband meets the needs of his wife. In this I was blessed.
I love you Kevin.