Staring You in the Face

Since the mid of October my life has been in a rut and I’ll be honest I’ve been making half assed efforts to getting myself together.

In truth…I’ve been the poster child for frump-tasticness combined with how to put out a minimal effort on some things.

Of course in this life fortune often favours the bold and not the half assing it frump.

So after a couple of months of trying to find my bearings, attempted to find a path I could start down, a weekend project provided me with much needed meditation and a daily reminder of what a full effort can do.

RustOleum, makers of fine spray paint, put out a new kit recently that allowed for home improvement on the cheap folks like myself to reface their kitchen cabinets. Kevin bought the kit a few months ago, got the colour we agreed upon and it proceeded to sit there.

I guess I was hoping it would figure out how to do the project without my assistance. Like I was going to be able to magically find the force and Jedi my ass through the whole deal.

I’ve re-finished a couple of antique pieces in the past and I really enjoy the work. Taking a piece of furniture and seeing the potential and then getting it there…all things I actually enjoy but haven’t been able to enjoy due to life and a lack of space. Throw in the mentality of I don’t think I can I’m arthritic and my hands don’t work very well and it causes delays all on it’s own.

Tangent

I’m still dealing with the fact I’ve had to legally change my signature in the last month because it is getting too difficult to put S. Robert on the line or the fact that I find it quite hard to write for long periods of time and have had to resort from taking notes to recording and typing it up later. It’s not been helping my frumpy self feel empowered. Esp when folks keep asking if you need a pen or want to repeat that you really should be taking notes.

Tell you what I’ll take notes if you will let me tape all your fingers together on your dominant hand and you try to function that way for the rest of the day.

Enjoy that trip to the bathroom!

How about trying to work a knife or fork?

Perhaps you’d like to try using a gear shift or attempt to steer a car?

Yes, I know not a nice thing to type but I put it here because this is my safe space and because well I’m tired of explaining it to folks. I have a disabling disease so I have found other ways to deal with it and not let it get in my way. If that bothers you well it isn’t my perception that needs to be changed.

I, of course, never say these things. I do think them though and to be put on the spot repeatedly just makes me feel even more aware of my shortcomings. I don’t need to be reminded of them…I’m already very aware of all of them thanks.

It’s bad enough when I have to ask my husband to cut my steak at some restaurants…

/Tangent

So this weekend comes and yet again I swear I am going to get the project done but alas I find myself looking for reasons to not get it done. Kevin has learned the subtle ways to get me off my ass when pushing me will result in me pushing back at him rather than pushing myself further.

Tangent

Yes, I admit that I am partially at fault for my kids’ stubborn natures. Takes two though!

/Tangent

So Kevin removes the cupboard doors and the hardware off the drawers off our stand alone item and dumps the contents.

Well played sir…now it is taunting me.

So I review the instructions and start getting the items I need together to start working on this project. I’ve delayed enough.

O.k. so read instructions 50 times…check

Have paint brush suitable for job…check

Have items to do first step handy…check

On the floor ready to go…shit.

I’ve not really been down on the floor since Nathaniel was a baby. When my flare happened in 2006 I pretty much kept off the floor because, well frankly, I got stuck and had to helped up and my pride can only take so much.

In walks Kevin…cutter of steak, kicker of procrastinating rump, example of how to get down on the floor. So with some encouragement, and one slight panic attack, I get down on the floor and start the process of cleaning the cupboards.

Of course once started I felt the need to finish and the end result is that the cupboards are done and some much needed meditation occurred. In that meditation came the acceptance that I need to be pro-active about my life and frankly the only one that gets us out of any slump is us.

So at the end of Saturday I kept looking at my cupboard with a big amount of pride because well it looks pretty fantastic and because despite the fact that I tried to put it off I finally got some of it done.

This weekend….the piece under the sink gets done.

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About Shirley Robert

Wife, Mom, Politician, Project Manager, Arthritic, Blue Bomber Season Ticket holder, Mary Kay Rep, and Advocate. I'm a whole lot of different and proud of it! View all posts by Shirley Robert

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