No, not Slim Shady…just Bionic Mommy.
I thought back when I let this blog go that I has said all that there was to say and that I didn’t have more to share but turns out I was wrong so I’m back with more to say, more to share, and more to work through.
What can I say? I don’t have the time for therapy these days.
Quick sum up…Ashleigh turned 5 and Nathaniel turned a stunning 8. Yes, stunning as in I am stunned I have a child almost half of the way to the age of majority. Nicholas is working his way up to 2 at a rate quicker than I am ready for.
So here I am back writing in my personal space here on the net. An outlet that turns out I had come to depend on, and in the end I need.
Today I’m killing time. Waiting on a phone call that can either be really great or really scary. Those are the phone calls I think that are the worst. It’s hard when it is just for you but when it’s for your child it is absolute torture.
I’m waiting on results for Ashleigh. My one and only girl who seems to be tougher at 5 that I was at 30.
I always knew that Ashleigh was a tough girl and that she was firmly her own person. She’s stubborn in a way that makes my hair turn white but that I remind myself when she is a teenager it will be good because I can be assured that no one will tell Ashleigh what to do and that she doesn’t bow to pressure from others.
If Nathaniel is the child I predict will suck the marrow out of life by experiencing all there is to it Ashleigh is the child that will live her life on her terms every day and Nicholas seems to be the one that for the most part just loves life.
Ashleigh has no fear.
An example: Ashleigh is in the washroom at school and an older girl looks at her and says “I’m going to punch you in the face”. Ashleigh looks her in the eye and says “I know Tae Kwon Do and I can defend myself”(meaning get away and run to an adult like her teacher or someone in the school office). The older girl leaves the washroom and Ashleigh hasn’t seen her again since. She’s 5 and she stands up for herself. She’s 5 and has confidence in herself to know she can protect her body and self by following the lessons of self defense she’s been taught.
Ashleigh’s been having issues with her stomach for over a year now. We’ve been giving her medicine for over a year to deal with her issues and despite what appears to be working things are not improving. Last week she started being sick at random times and complaining of stomach pain so we agree it is time to take her to the her Dr and just have her checked out.
Now let me say that our Peditrician isn’t a cry wolf kind of guy. He’s pretty laid back about most stuff, seen it all, still remembers when his kids were young and this is all stuff I love about him and why he’s still my kids Dr after 8 years. However, one look at Ashleigh’s tummy yesterday and he expresses concern which takes Kevin and I from concerned to really worried and I, personally, am crossing over into mild panic.
Leave the office and take Ashleigh for X-rays, blood work and a urine sample. X-ray went well she was serious as she climbed up on the table making sure she was in the right space to get the good X-ray. The tech asked if she wanted to see inside her tummy and so we went over and I had a look with her. She thought it was cool I asked the poor tech (who just takes the films and makes sure they are readable) a hundred questions. There are two dark shadows in her abdomen but odds are good it is just gas. The Radiologist will be able to tell us more because they know what to look for.
Then it is downstairs to the Lab for blood draws and urine collection.
Here’s where Ashleigh blows me away with her inner strength. The tech mentions we should try to do the urine collection while she gets someone to help her with Ashleigh’s blood draw. After a failed attempt to collect the sample we go back to the chair where Ashleigh calmly puts her arm on a pillow and waits while the prep for the blood draw. They stick her, she doesn’t flinch, she doesn’t cry, she doesn’t panic. She watches as the blood travels down the tube in to the collection vial. The two techs are blown away by her zen like approach to having her blood taken and the recruited tech comments that she wasn’t really needed for this one. Hell Ashleigh turned down holding my hand while they did it.
She’s 5 and in this way stronger than I am at the age of 35.
So now we wait. While we wait I watch Ashleigh as life goes on it’s merry way. She goes to school, she plays, she reads, she still keeps up with the big kids in her life. She lives without fear.
I fear what the tests will tell us.
The waiting is killing me.