My last post mused about the tauting of Ben and Jerry. I wish my day had remained so simple.
On my way home August 12th I was rear ended on a major roadway in rush hour traffic. Not a big deal really accidents happen. However, the car I was driving was borrowed from a family friend. Since Christine was written off and there’s no replacement for her in sight I took up the offer of a lent vehicle to help us out in the short term. Of course crap happens, the back windshield ends up all over the road and the car goes to Autopac.
Get home to deal with the car situation and am informed that our media PC’s hard drives have died and trapped on them is every picture taken since Nathaniel was born. 7.5 years of Christmas and birthdays and zoo trips and babies being born. 7.5 years of those moments that make up the tapestry of a life…the silly faces, the naps, the snuggles. I told myself then I wasn’t going to break.
Friday the 13th…dun dun dun. We aren’t a superstitious lot around here but Kevin took the van in for oil, lub, filter and inspection. Turns out Laverne the van needs new brakes, new brushing and a power steering flush all in all a full out spa day for the van. Of course now we have to find the money to pay for the brakes. I did find it but it’s been a harried week of waiting to get the money in order and then hoping that things can’t get any worse.
So in an effort to move forward and put a positive into our lives I decided to take some of the money I had left after Laverne’s brakes and new windsheild and take the 3 kids and see my grandma for the September long weekend. I spent my summer’s up north, I love the north. Some folks think that zen can be found at an ashram somewhere but I find it in the tall forests and refreshing lakes of the Canadian Shield. It won’t be a long stay but I hope to find some zen and come back fighting for the fall season. Kevin is getting a few days of sleeping in and some quiet.
In the midst of all this I had the hardest job interview of my life. I went in not knowing what to expect, walked out feeling ambushed and now worry I didn’t do a good job. It’s hard to relax and be yourself when yourself is the product you are selling. I wanted to wow them and show them I am the right person for the job. We all do when it comes to interviews.
Someday I really will be able to embrace the chaos of my life. For today I choose to play with my crock pot. Remind myself that at least the van is safe for 3 kids to ride in, take in that change is hard, and debate if I have lost my mind in taking 3 kids on an 8 hour there and back trip. Ultimately I need this trip to prove to myself that I am ready to take on all 3 kids on my own. Kevin’s always backed me up and I know that if I have to stand on my own I will. I lost alot because for 2 years I wasn’t able to be a strong mother and I want to be a strong mother again.
I think the only way to really embrace the chaos is to do it this way. Embrace or falter…the choice is mine.