It’s been a hectic week and a half. I’m not sure if I am tired from dealing with all of it or because I am just reacting to the meds and bad news.
Easter was good. The kids enjoyed their baskets and egg hunts. I enjoy these simple moments of life when kids are innocent and the simple act of dying hard boiled eggs or making a bunny shaped rabbit cake passes an afternoon.
Life doesn’t always stay simple…
It started with Nicholas getting sick. Not a new occurance as my poor baby has been sick quite a bit in his 10 months of life thus far. By Wednesday his breathing was rough and he was running a fever and not much interested in eating or drinking so Kevin took him the ped. Ped diagnosed him with bronchilitis and told us to make sure that the food he was eating was pretty smooth for easier swallowing and to watch his breathing. Any worries skip the wait just go to the ER. Thursday I was at work. I keep MSN open so Kevin can let me know if there is something I need to do on the way home, appts that need to be kept etc etc. He messages me that I need to come home and get Nicholas. His breathing is strained, his fever won’t break and his eating is crap (vomit, vomit and more vomit). Grab stuff, get home, move things between vehicles and get Nicholas settled in my car. Head to Children’s ER and get snapped by photo radar speeding in a 50.
After seeing the ER ped and getting a Nebulizer treatment Nicholas and I head home. He is traumatized by masks now and I am tired of going to Children’s ER because it causes a stress that I have a hard time dealing with. The first time he went to Children’s ER they kept him for 3 days in isolation. I was sick (we now know that I was having an arthritic flare up) and they were saying they wouldn’t let me be with him…my 10 day old baby. Now whenever we go to the Children’s ER I go with supplies for a long stay. Nicholas’ fever continues to be an issue. It isn’t breaking with medication and remains a steady 38.5 spiking to 39.9. I know first hand what fever does to the body over time…I’m afraid but thought it would finally break after the virus was on the run.
Friday I had a meeting out of town so I brought Ashleigh with me for a girl’s day at the office and then had her come with my mom and I to my meeting out of town. It was a great day and we didn’t fight at all. Saturday Nathaniel had a birthday party to attend so the rest of us had lunch and headed out to do a few errands. Nicholas was still feverish and coughing up a storm and plain all around crabby but sadly errands don’t do themselves. After we picked up Nathaniel we decided to get the groceries out of the way so we could hole up for the rest of the weekend. Nicholas had moved into completely lethargic. He was sitting with me on the couch and keep dozing off.
Sunday morning in the wee hours I get Nicholas to check his fever and maybe see if he wants some milk. We are mostly worried about dehydration at this point. Turns out he had pooped up his back and hadn’t cried out for one of use to come and change him…he was in it long enough for it to dry poor baby. He has always been one to cry if he poops at night he doesn’t like being in it long and this worried me. One clean onsie, Tylenol, Ventolin and some milk later he curls up on me and goes back to sleep. I put him down but I am awake for a while listening….worrying.
Sundays are my morning to sleep in usually. I get up and Kevin and I are discussing how these fevers have been going on for two days with little to no relief. So I jump in the shower, Kevin tackles making lunch and Nicholas is tucked in his crib coughing away while watching his bear spin around. I check on him after I get out of the shower and find that he’s vomited everywhere from coughing and that he hasn’t even gotten out of it he’s about to try and sleep like that. Yup, we are going to the ER. Get him cleaned up, get things moved around vehicles again and off we go. Turns out from Thursday to Sunday he developed a middle ear infection. Get antibiotics, get back in car and head home. Kevin gets him out of the car and I go to fill the prescription. As of yesterday…Nicholas is almost back to his normal smiling self…with two new teeth.
Then yesterday life dropped the bomb:
I had a follow up with my Family Dr. yesterday. As I take Methotrexate I have to have monthly blood work done to make sure I am not at risk for any liver or kidney failure. They also track me SED rate which is something they find in people with arthritis and when it increases it can mean an increase in inflammation. Mine jump 50% in a one month period…meaning that my body is getting ready to warm up the band and have another round of severe inflammation coming. I am seeing my rheumatologist tomorrow but I am fairly certain of what is coming…more methotrexate. I will have to return to having it injected by Kevin (more than likely in my rump) because it is all I can do right now to choke down the 6 pills a week I am already taking. I wasn’t feeling good last month and mentioned to Kevin that my shoulder was paining me and that I was feeling really run down for no reason at all…guess now I know. I wish I didn’t know though…I wish that I could be blissfully ignorant of it all and be a 3 year old with my fingers in my ears and screaming lalalalalalalalalala at the top of my lungs. I’m not o.k. with this turn of events. I’m not o.k. with having to talk to my kids about mommy needing to take more medicine that knocks her out 2 days out of the week already. Mentally I am going back to a dark place because I am afraid. I’m afraid of more pain in my future. I will get mad at some point…I just hope I get really mad…really soon. These lyrics sit in my head right now and they speak to me.
I should have seen those signs all around me, But I was comfortable inside these wounds; So go ahead and take another piece of me now While we all bow down to you – Red
I hate you you genetic whammy of a nightmare.