That Old Feeling

Pain is a familiar foe. It’s one that I have sparred with many a time since my 30th birthday. If you are keeping track I am 34 right now.

My right knee is on the outs. Has been for about a year or so now. I have days where it feels squishy almost like a large sponge of discomfort. The pain causes me to hobble more times that I would ever admit in writting and while I try to walk when I know people are watching I will just take it slow. I don’t want folks to see me as weak. It’s a dumb ego thing but alas I do it. It’s a mater of time until my knee is going to be plastic. I know this and I accept it and I damn well hate it.

My right shoulder has been giving me issues lately. Now I know I am fighting off an infection and the fact of the matter is that I don’t have a normal immune system. Because of the abnormalness of my immune system I have to take a drug called methotrexate (MTX as it is known in short term) to suppress it. When I get sick I have to wait until things get very bad before I know for sure I am sick. Fever, chills, sweats all normal signs of getting ill in a person who is not immuno-compromised I don’t get..not anymore because I am forcing my body to be unable to fight infection. My immune system has turned on me, it has almost killed me twice, it turned on my hips, it has turned on my right knee and maybe now it has turned on my right shoulder. Maybe in a week when I stop coughing up lung contents and my head stops draining everytime I get up in the morning it will stop. The knee though…the knee will remain the same. No, actually…the knee will continue to get worse. Eventually the knee will be plastic though and the pain will be gone. Until the next joint needs replacing and when I run out of joints to replace well then I guess I have a long life of narcotics ahead of me then. One knee replacement after two hips 6 days apart should be a walk in the park though. There’s that at least.

My left hip however, remains to be seen. It has a pain further down my leg around about where bone meets ceramic. Makes me worry that something is off when it’s that far down. Other pain in my hips can be explained with muscles and tendons…they can be pulled, they can ache. This pain is new and scary. I’m not really up for 3 more months of restrictions when the hip is not even 2 yrs old and would need to be reset. Now of course comes the hard part of facing my fears and seeing the surgeon…and the x-ray.

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About Shirley Robert

Wife, Mom, Politician, Project Manager, Arthritic, Blue Bomber Season Ticket holder, Mary Kay Rep, and Advocate. I'm a whole lot of different and proud of it! View all posts by Shirley Robert

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